It is scary for me to think about - to actually realize the fact that I am my thoughts. What a bizarre and twisted array of strange, puzzling, humorous, angry, longing, passionate thoughts I am. I have doubts, contradictions, joys, disappointments, just like everyone else. I fight and struggle to keep my thoughts positive. But I have to otherwise I'm emotionally dead. It is a battle. It takes discipline. It takes determination not to be sucked under with negativity.
I am often highly critical, even cruel towards myself and some of the choices I have made in my life. It is because I'm not where I want to be professionally or personally. I'm lacking spiritually, and am also out of shape physically. That pretty much means there is no area in my life I am really happy with at this time. It is a struggle to think positively, but I must to dig myself out of the hole of this existence I have created for myself. I put myself into it, and only I can get myself out.
It will take all the character, discipline, hard work, and a little luck to get me where I need to be. But perhaps it is not that complicated. Perhaps it just requires more positive thinking - of realizing I have made every seeming "bad choice" to teach myself something, to learn about and appreciate life more than I ever have, and to make the life of myself and others around me better...
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